"I've had enough of this blood ship...
He's not master of life and death
or the quarterdeck above the angels!"

verse 1
When I woke up this morning
Not a sound could be heard
Then I heard my wife snoring
Good god, what a noisy bird!
I could see that her palate and uvula
Were both rat-a-tat rattling away
So I decided it best not to disturb
For fear of what the old goat might say

(because she might say...)

verse 2
My darling, why do you do ths?
Every time when I'm lying asleep?
Can't you see I'm in touch with my dream state
And the inner most secrets I keep?
But your snoring sounds grotty and porous
and all snivelly and wretched and sneer
Like a cacophony of witches all farting
After puddings and toppings and beer
(contd)
Right! How dare you insult me
Just because my palate might wiggle
I'm going out now, at once, to the veranda
to put my teeth in and play Tchaikovsky - on my fiddle!

Interlude
(spoken)
I can't bear it!  Another night of her snoring...
Then, her wretched violin creaking away! 
It's like a grumble and screech nightmare!
Solo
Grumble & Screech (chorus)

verse 3
Now whilst she's out there out on the veranda
Screeching Tchaikovsky on her violin
I'm lying here on the bedsheets
Pondering what hell is this I'm living in?
But then I remember
What it takes to make her heart glow
So I go down to the street, with a spring in my feet
And shout up to her, like a Shakespearian Romeo:

Chorus Outro
"Baromete, Baromete
Wherefore art thou Baromete?"
(grumble & screech, grumble & screech)